Someone...

This is but a small part of the piece. It's funny that this is the twelfth piece and that it is written about a year since this all began...

It’s late. But I’m still up. For reasons beyond that which I have learned in my life, I do not know why. These things I feel are all so alien to me. My heart is racing. Faster than ever I have felt before. Even more than those times of great anxiety for horrors I had to face. Mundane though they were, they were still horrors from my life. But then again, these things I face now are far more unknown to me. I do not what it is really. Time has certainly given me so many things. Life has challenged me many times. And this… whatever this is… I feel is just another one of those challenges. But I do not know if I can face it alone. It frightens me to think thus. These feelings… What are they really?

It’s been a while since this started. And I have had a lot of hurdles to face. But until now, I feel that I haven’t even scratched the surface of this challenge that has been brought before. To have to learn so much is so short a time. To feel things I have never felt before… or perhaps I have felt it before. I just never realized it. Naïveté. I’m so naïve. All these years I have been with people… people who cared… people who were there, but I never knew it. I never noticed them. And now, I yearn for the care, longing for that soft touch, that tight hug. Someone I could hold in my arms. Someone with whom I can be.

For now, someone care dearly for lies sleeping in bed. I want to hold that person in my arms and say what I feel. I just hope I can muster the courage to do. It's all so hard... this life we live.